Pity Parties:


PP’s (we’re talking pity parties): They Happen.

There you are. It’s the end of your best friend’s wedding, Shout has been Shouted, Blurred Lines has been belted, and all your girls have shed their dramatic tears….alongside their dates.  The older guests have set off to take dirt naps and it’s that time where your friends start disappearing with their significant others. After witnessing such a night of romance, despite your more than single life, you have no doubt love will conquer all-HA! No really, you start thinking, Disney had a point, there is such a thing as fairy-tale love stories, everyone has their day, and you will too! Then you start to survey the groomsmen- squinty eyes and clear hearts, you can’t lose here (that’s how it goes, no?)

Going into this you thought, all my best friends will be there, why would I need a date? I’m totally fine, my dress looks better without someone screwing up my train or worse, not letting me stand on “my side” when we pose for pics with my skinny arm. But once you’re there in that midnight moment when all of your friends have seamlessly disappeared, you’re left to well, squint it out. You start to ask yourself, shall it be the dude that works at Home Depot (he’s sort of lumber jack hot), or the one who told you about all his cats earlier at the bar (points for details)? Decisions here. You go back and forth between the two when all of the sudden the bride’s mom finds you, and in what seems like an act of nothing short of pity….she introduces you to their 3rd world exchange student who’s yet to have any “girl interaction” since coming to the states, so she thought you two could get “acquainted” tonight. Right before you bite a massive hole in your bottom lip you can feel that twinge of tear in your left eye, the one that always creeps up like a nasty little…

PAUSE THIS STORY RIGHT NOW. Take your hand and slap yourself if you’re saying THISISME, ermahgerd. No, it’s really not you, don’t own that, you’re fine. Remember being a young girl and watching Sex & The City and feeling oh-so-girl-power? WHERE IS THAT GIRL IN THIS MOMENT?

She’s having what we’d like to call a Pity Party people. They come in several nasty little forms, tend to catch you off guard, and have a real-knack for making it hard to pull yourself out of the “funk” you’re in. They’re real and there’s a few ways to fix them. Clearly…we’ll outline:

1. Walk it out beb, get some fresh air and shake it off (the more distracted the better here..no, we don’t mean go buy a thousand piece puzzle.

2.. Call an old friend who won’t mind listening while you ramble through muffled cough tears (you know the ones)

3. Retail therapy. It’s too-real of a thing.

4. Throw on your fave movie, preferably with a h-o-t character, might we suggest Channing? Or even better, go with one with a more pitiful story line than yours in the moment.

5. Take a spin class, you’ll be so focused on not falling off the bike you’re sure to drop the mood..even better take one with clip in shoes so you’re stuck for the hour, trust us, they are hard to take off.

6. Eat a bit (a lot) of chocolate, taste the box, but make sure you’re hitting #5 after…pitiful & chubby don’t mix well.

These of course are only suggestions. Real pity parties happen to everyone-the good news is there’s always another day, just ask my bridesmaids dress.


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